The Kids Are Alright: Ensuring a Safe and Smooth Path Through Divorce for Your Children~ 5 min read

Separation or divorce is an incredibly stressful and emotional experience for everyone involved. For children it can feel like their whole world has been turned upside down. This kind of change can be traumatic to witness, leading children to feel shocked, uncertain, angry, or even guilty. Divorce is not something that will resolve itself overnight. It is a process. It is essential for parents to make their children’s well-being, during and after the breakup, a top priority.

Following are some ways parents can ensure the best interests of their children are being taken care of:

1. Therapy

Children are remarkably resilient and oftentimes adapt well to challenging life circumstances. That said, certain things can significantly increase a child’s vulnerability during and after a divorce, making professional support particularly beneficial. One of the most important things to be aware of is how parental conflict can affect your children.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) identifies several risk factors associated with Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) that may be present during or following a divorce. Some of these factors include high level of parental stress, instability related to parental separation, and situations in which children do not feel emotionally connected to their parents or comfortable talking about their feelings with them. While divorce itself does not automatically lead to negative outcomes, the presence of these additional stressors can have a significant impact on a child’s emotional well-being and long-term development. This research supports the fact that the more exposure children have to ongoing conflict between their parents before, during, and after a divorce, the greater the risk for them experiencing emotional, behavioral, and psychological difficulties in the future.

Accordingly, it is important that children have a safe and supportive environment where they feel comfortable expressing their thoughts, concerns, and emotions about the changes occurring in their family. Without healthy outlets to process this, they may struggle to cope effectively with the stress of the situation.

Seeking therapy for a child is not a sign of parental failure. Rather, it is a proactive and compassionate step that provides children with age-appropriate tools and coping skills to better understand and manage their emotions. Therapy can help children build resilience, improve communication skills, develop healthy emotional regulation, and maintain positive relationships with both parents throughout the transition. Working with licensed mental health professionals can help families identify and address these challenges early. Therefore, ensuring that you, as parents, also have access to therapy during divorce can also benefit your children.

2. Maintain Stability

Divorce brings significant changes for the entire family, and it is essential to maintain as much consistency and stability as possible in a child’s life during this transition. Children will need to adjust to living in two separate households, which can be challenging. Because of this, parents should strive to maintain familiar routines, expectations, and traditions where possible to minimize the number of major changes a child is experiencing at once.

Maintaining stability does not mean that both parents must follow identical schedules or parent in exactly the same way. Every household will naturally have its own routines and family culture. However, consistency in bedtime routines, school expectations, homework habits, and extra-curricular activities can help children feel secure and supported.

3. Respect the Relationship Between Your Child and the Other Parent

As noted above, it is not healthy for children to be exposed to unnecessary conflict between their parents. This doesn’t just mean you should not fight in front of your children: it also means you should avoid speaking negatively about the other parent in front of the kids. It is okay to say, “Your dad and I have worked out a parenting plan.” It is not okay to say, “If it wasn’t for your dad bonking his secretary you wouldn’t have to go back and forth between two homes.” While someone may not have been a good partner to you in the relationship, they may still be a loving and capable parent to your children. One of the most harmful things a parent can do is interfere with or damage a child’s opportunity to have a positive relationship with the other parent.

4. Allow Your Child to be a Child

One of the most important things to remember during a divorce is to not allow the process to take away from your child’s opportunity to simply be a child. Childhood is a limited and precious time, and children should not lose those years to stress, conflict, or responsibilities that belong to the adults around them. Divorce may change the family structure, but it should not diminish a child’s ability to enjoy their childhood, pursue their interests, and feel secure in the love and support of both parents.

It is important for children to know that, despite the end of the marriage, both parents remain fully committed to supporting, encouraging, and loving them. Children should never feel pressured to pick sides or to carry the burden of managing their parents’ emotions. They are entitled to their own feelings about the divorce and should be given space to express those feelings without fear of judgment or guilt.

5. Conclusion

Ultimately, successful co-parenting will focus on ensuring the children continue to thrive despite the changes in their family. While a marriage may end, parenthood does not. By putting your children’s needs first, respecting their emotional experiences, and allowing them to remain focused on learning, growing, and enjoying life, parents can help to preserve the one thing that should never be lost during a divorce: the wonder of their childhood.

The attorneys at Wells Family Law, PC, are available to answer your questions as you navigate this process. Contact us at (303) 309-1077 to meet with one of our attorneys to discuss your needs.