Five Things to Know About Divorce~ 4 min read
Divorce is difficult. As you contemplate and go through a divorce, you are likely to receive advice from well-meaning friends and family, especially from those who have been through a divorce themselves. It is important to remember that each person’s situation is unique. No two divorces are the same. As everyone’s circumstances are different, it can be hard to reconcile the advice and stories friends and family impart with your own experiences. However, there are certain general truisms that apply to every divorce. This blog touches upon five.
1. There Is No Financial Privacy
There is no financial privacy during a divorce. The law states that “parties to domestic relations cases owe each other and the court a duty of full and honest disclosure of all facts that materially affect their rights and interests and those of the children involved in the case.” [CRCP 16.2(e)(1).] This includes all your credit card statements, charge accounts, bank statements, and other financial documents that are in your name alone. You should expect your expenditures to be scrutinized and even critiqued. Depending on the complexity of and conflict in your case, your private financial information may be disclosed in publicly accessible court filings. There may be ways a skilled family lawyer can minimize public disclosure, but there is no way to minimize your duty to fully and honestly disclose your financial information.
2. Social Media Is Not Your Friend
Sharing online pictures of or comments about your spouse, partner, or kids while together is often a fun, easy and socially acceptable way to stay connected with friends and family. The exact same conduct during a divorce can have negative, even catastrophic, consequences. During a divorce, posting pictures of yourself living your best life can result in the other party monitoring your movement. Posting pictures of the children can lead to accusations of parental unfitness. A negative comment, even in a “private” forum, creates a permanent record that can be used against you. Even temporary postings (i.e. Instagram) become permanent through cell phone ‘screen-shots’. The best course of action: do not use social media during the pendency of your divorce.
3. Kids Come First
Nobody will disagree that the health, safety and well-being of the children come first. The source of significant disagreement and parental conflict, however, often stems from how to promote the health, safety, and well-being of the children. Separating parents often have sincere but very divergent views of what is in their children’s best interest. The law regarding children is complex, but two practical legal realities exist: (1) while there is no presumption of equal parenting time, in most circumstances, it is in the best interest of the children that they have frequent and continuous contact with each parent (CRS 14-10-124); (2) in determining parental decision-making authority and the parenting timeshare, the foremost consideration is the best interests of the child (CRS 14-10-124(1.5)). Said simply, it is the best interests of your children, not what you or the other parent wants, that is the foremost consideration.
4. Strong Support Network Is Essential
When the relationship between married couples fails, it can be difficult for colleagues, friends, and even family to navigate. Often, these people will feel compelled to “pick a side” or otherwise align with one party. Sometimes, these people will inadvertently increase conflict and strife through their alignment with one party and disparagement of the other. Other times, these people will withdraw or disengage to avoid being involved in the conflict. Identifying empathetic support people is important, but understanding and respecting the boundaries and emotional bandwidth of those people may be even more important. Even if you feel it unnecessary, engaging a therapist with experience with separation can be very helpful.
5. Prioritize You
A divorce can be one of the most difficult and emotionally impactful experiences of a person’s life. Even an “easy” divorce is difficult. When the life you have grown accustomed to feels like it’s unraveling at the seams, combat fear and anxiety by prioritizing those things or activities that bring you joy. Focus on simple pleasures: taking that overdue trip to the spa; joining a tennis league; dining more frequently at your favorite restaurants. As you contemplate what life will look like going forward, there is opportunity to enhance it by embracing those aspects of life you have neglected or put on the side-burner. There is opportunity even during the most challenging times; seize it.